Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Nothing To Fear But ....


I have this irrational fear regarding my children. Only one, mind you. But it provides me with endless opportunities to be fearful and get lost in my wild and terrifying imaginary scenes and situations ..... and provides the Rooster with just as many opportunities to giggle, laugh, point and grin at me as I sit in my seat in the car, quivering with fear with my eyes tightly closed.

I am just so fearful that, should a bridge collapse beneath us, I would not be able to rescue all my children. Even if I COULD get them all out of their carseats, I'd never be able to keep them all afloat. They would drown. And I would not. And I would not be able to ever forgive myself for loosing any of them.

(I did say it was irrational!)

And I go to extraordinary lengths to avoid a situation where this might become a possibility! I avoid bridges wherever possible. I get lost in the City regularly because I deliberately take routes I do not know so I can avoid a bridge I do know! I do not get caught up in inner city traffic on the way to the airport because I want to avoid the tolls on the direct route - I do so to avoid the really really HIGH bridge between here and there! And if the Rooster is driving and we do cross a bridge, I close my eyes and pretend it isn't happening!


Recently we have been taking some trips to the City to see a travel doctor for vaccinations. Rather than park close to the medical centre (where, I might add, I recently discovered the parking heights are significantly LESS than the height of our People Mover!) I prefer to park a good half hour walk away, so we can cross the river on foot rather than in the car. Because, you know, falling many metres into the river below with 6 children will be so much easier to manage if we're not in the car, right?!

On one such trip I thought I'd take the opportunity, whilst crossing the bridge, to ease my fears a little and reassure that the money we're spending on swimming lessons is indeed worth it. I figured perhaps a little confidence could be found if I was able to ascertain just how strong my children were at life-saving skills. A certain level of peace could be reached if I could hear my children confirm, in their own words, that they would be able to contribute in some way to their own rescue, should such a need arise.

So I quietly asked the Rabbit what he'd do if he accidentally fell into the river below us or fell off a boat or something similar. He took a quick look down and told me he could float. Preferably on his stomach, but he'd do it on his back if he had to, because you could at least breath on your back. And that he'd been practising floating on his back and could do it for a considerable length of time if necessary.

I felt a weight begin to lift from my shoulders already. He even felt confident enough to swim to shore, and said he had learnt how to rescue another person, so he could carry someone with him. Bless his little heart - perhaps he saw the fear in my eyes as we set foot on the bridge, but his words were a soothing salve to my soul.

So I moved on to the Honey Girl. Knowing she was not as confident or able as the Rabbit, I thought I could at least be reassured that she could float for a short while and be calm if/when she hit the water. Could swim up to the surface.
I asked her the same question as I did the Rabbit.

The Honey Girl did not pause for even a moment to evaluate her skills or contemplate the question or a possible solution.
She promptly responded with "I'd walk on the water, to the edge. Jesus did it, so can I".

Right. Well. Who am I to dash her childhood fantasies? It's likely she'd survive on sheer will alone. Just flatly refuse to drown. And grab hold of something solid and never let it go.

I realised this was actually working. My fears were being eased by my childrens' affirmations of their skills and confidence. I was working through my irrational fear of my children drowning and they were walking through it with me. My delightful offspring were playing an active role in my healing and in my finding a sense of peace. One more affirmation and I'd be almost cured!
And we had enough bridge-walking time for one more candidate, so I confidently and firmly approached Pants, with a spring in my step and nary a quiver in my voice. And posed the same question again - if he found himself in deep water, like the river we were crossing, what would he do?

He looked at me with a puzzled expression, obviously thinking his mum had finally lost those three remaining braincells that had survived after 6 rounds of placenta-brain, nappy-brain and so on, and replied "I'd drown".

You'll be relieved to know my irrational fear is as alive and thriving as ever again!

Friday, March 25, 2011

The Bible Like You've Never Seen It Before!

Recently I've had to speak to Pants about vandalism and graffiti. It's one thing to colour the mouths of magazine models in black so they appear to be missing all their teeth. But drawing in your brother's picture Bible and changing the stories with your additions is not acceptable .... and it's really hard for your mother to discipline you when she's almost choking in an attempt to hold her laughter back!
It seems comedic creativity is a strong point for Pants - if we find a more suitable outlet. Who would have imagined that odd random thoughts, a Bible and a blue pen would be such an amusing combination?!

So here it is folks - the newly improved Toddler's Picture Bible, with added detail and aspects of your favourite stories that I bet you never knew!


Daniel in the Lion's Den
Daniel was thrown into a den of lions! Except some of them were not actually lions.....they were reindeer! And lions with giant noses.



The Christmas Story
Mary and Joseph stayed at an inn in Bethlehem, where they had a very special baby, named Jesus. Except it's all very confusing with these camels and sheep and donkeys and reindeer and Rudolphs and Santas and Marys and Josephs. How is a 6 year old supposed to fit them all into one story?
Well, the secret behind it all is -
Mary and Joseph WERE reindeer. See?





The Wise Men
The Wise Men saw a special bright star in the sky and so they followed it. It was going to lead them to a new king. Except it turns out it was moving because it was a falling star, and it fell. Right onto the Wise Man's head. And he fell off his camel and was dead with a star in his head. He wasn't so wise after all.


Blind Bartimaeus
Bartimaeus's eyes didn't work properly and he could not see. Jesus healed him and then he could see! Bartimeaus was so excited to be able to see - he jumped up and down and cheered.
And a chocolate fell out
of his mouth and on to the ground, and Jesus had to bend down and pick it up.


Jesus and Mary
Jesus and Mary were friends. When Jesus came to show Mary He was alive again, she was excited. And she wanted to hypnotise Him, so she started saying "You are *compwetewy* under my controooolllll".... but you can't hypnotise Jesus, so it bounced off Him and got the cat that was standing behind them. And now the cat is *compwetewy* under Mary's controoooool.






Return of the K ....ah ..... K-razy Lady Who Blogs About Her Delightful Children

Finally, after some crazy months involving a pregnancy where I became very ill, then a new baby born 7 weeks early, then the chaos of Christmas, then the Rooster flew off to work in Africa for 18 weeks straight (smart man isn't he?!) and then the new school year beginning ..... I'm back!!

I'm just doing some tidying up around the blog and will begin posting again very soon! As the family is planning on relocating overseas, to Africa, later this year I'm sure there will be plenty to blog about. I mean - 6 kids on a flight that lasts for over 20 hours when we can barely manage the 3 minute drive to school without someone pushing/hitting/leaning/spitting/ BREATHING on someone else, and that someone else's world collapsing as a result ..... well, there'll be plenty to blog about won't there?!!

Anyway, while I reacquaint myself with my blog let me introduce you to our newest family member - Gavin. (So named because Boombah cannot quite pronouce his little brother's carefully chosen and much loved Irish middle name, and calls him Gavin instead, which has now stuck!
Gavin - born in December 2010, weighing 5 lb 5 ozes and very quickly stealing our hearts and pretty much taking control of this crazy family!
Note in the first picture he is smiling - he already thinks his siblings are crazy and it's going to be a wild ride!!